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5 Secrets to Talking About Sex Without Being Awkward or Embarrassed

You want to discuss an erotic fantasy or desire with your S.O.
Or maybe just talk about intimacy and sexual health on a deeper level.

But how to talk about sex without being awkward?
(If only your high school sex ed classes covered this!)

No worries! We’ll help you shake it off so you can take your romantic and sexual relationship to the next level.

How to Talk About Sex Without Being Awkward

Opening up about your secret desires or which body parts turn you on can leave you feeling naked and vulnerable. Discussing sex and sexuality can also be taboo in many cultures.

So it’s natural to feel uneasy when having sexual conversations with your significant other.

But unless you get over that awkwardness, your sex life and intimacy won’t reach their climax. Here are 5 tips on how you can do that:

1. Start the Conversation Before Getting Down & Dirty

An amazing thing about sex is that you often think about it even before any sexual act begins!

Maybe you spot someone attractive across the bar and think of having casual sex with them.
Or maybe you have a steady partner and decide now is the time.

Either way, when it comes to sexual communication, do it before you initiate sex.

This helps you be on the same page about what you expect from each other, such as what gets you hot and where you draw the line. And that’s crucial if you want to have mind-blowingly good sex.

A man embracing and kissing his lover's forehead

2. Talk About Your Fantasies, Desires, and Limits

Talking about your sexual fantasy doesn’t mean you’re unsatisfied with your current sex life!
It means you’re trying to spice it up and make it more fulfilling.

Have a sexual fantasy of being tied up? Or maybe you want them to talk dirty?
Discuss it with your partner to see if they’re open to trying it out.

But when expressing your desires, it’s also important to talk about your strict no-gos.

For instance, you may find yourself balking at the thought of anal sex but be perfectly willing to play it out during phone sex.

Rest assured, once you start sharing all the naughty details, you’ll notice a difference under the sheets. More please!

Read More: Gear up for a great romp with 40 flirty, dirty Sexual Conversation Starters (you’re welcome!).

3. Take Responsibility for Your Own Pleasure

You want to share your deepest desires with your partner. But do you even know what your desired sexual behavior is in bed?

Set aside some time to explore what you like and what you don’t.

Once you’ve figured that out, it’ll be easier to convey what you want. Plus, you’ll both know each other’s sexy time boundaries.

For instance, you may prefer to have your lover explicitly ask for consent before any sexual activity as it enhances your pleasure. Discussing this will ensure they incorporate sexual consent (a must!) every time you have sex and open new avenues of pleasure for both of you.

Read More: Lack of sex got you down? Discover 8 Non-Awkward Ways To Talk To Your Partner About Lack Of Intimacy.

4. Keep the Conversation Light and Positive

When discussing sex, we often fear what our partner will think of us.

Questions like, ‘Will they judge me for having a specific sexual fantasy?’ or ‘Will they feel inadequate because I want to add toys into our sex life?’ may cross your mind.

But remember, your partner may also have similar doubts and fears. So, keep sex talk light, respectful, and constructive.

One trick you can use is framing sentences by focusing on yourself.

For example, instead of saying, “You could do shower sex more,” say, “I would like it if you joined me for shower sex more often.” This way, you remove any pressure your partner might feel and center the conversation around your combined pleasure.

5. Practice Active Listening

Active listening is when you pay attention to the words, context, and non-verbal cues in every conversation.

This can help you respond positively to whatever your significant other is revealing about their sexual preferences.

For instance, let’s say your partner wants to introduce a sex toy as a regular part of your sessions. Actively listening to how it could enhance their pleasure to achieve a stronger orgasm can help you feel more at ease with the idea.

Understanding your S.O.'s sexual desire will make you a more attentive partner and increase your sexual satisfaction.

A couple tangled up in bed

Read More: If you want toe-curling, deeply satisfying sex, you have to try Hemp Oil As Lube.

3 Essential Topics To Discuss With Your Partner

While you’re having a sex talk with your partner, certain topics like STIs, safe sex, and trauma may come up.

Here’s how you can navigate them without feeling awkward AF:

1. Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) and Testing

Typically, there are two major conversations surrounding STIs and testing:

You want your sexual partner to test regularly
Or one of you has an STI

Let’s tackle them one at a time:

A) Getting Tested

Depending on the type of relationship you have, you and your S.O. may often have casual sex with another person or have recently experienced a new sexual encounter.

For your partner's safety and your peace of mind, it's a good idea for both of you to get tested every few months or whenever you have an unprotected sexual encounter (sex without condoms, dental dams, etc.).

But how do you bring it up with your partner?

Start with something like, “I’ve recently been tested, and I don’t have any STIs. Have you been tested recently?” This takes away any accusation and instead starts a dialogue about sexual health.

B) Disclosing STI Status

If you find out you have an STI, inform your partner as soon as possible and encourage them to do the same.

Regular and open communication with your sexual partner will ensure they don’t feel awkward or ashamed of sharing their own sexual health status.

After all, there are still plenty of ways to enjoy safe sex with your partner, even if one of you has an STI.

For instance, an STI like herpes may not always flare up, and you can take a break when it does. You can also add protection elements such as condoms, dental dams, and latex gloves to enjoy vaginal, anal, or oral sex without compromising on the feeling.

2. Sexual Assault and Trauma

Talking about sexual assault and trauma is a difficult yet important conversation to have with your sexual partner.

Despite what you may believe, previous sexual trauma doesn’t mean you can’t have a positive sexual experience. But it may affect how you view a specific sexual activity or physical intimacy itself.

Whether you’ve been a victim-survivor (turning an experience of sexual violence or trauma into a site of empowerment) or your partner has, this important conversation needs to happen with extreme trust and understanding from all sides.

You can also decide to talk to a sex therapist specializing in sexual trauma to help you further support your partner. The sex therapist can help you understand how best to talk to your partner and initiate sex if you have been assaulted in the past.

3. Things Are Good, But They Could be Better

Sometimes you have explosive chemistry and sexual tension with your partner, but sadly that doesn’t translate to a great experience in the bedroom.

Perhaps you're having difficulty achieving an orgasm, or you want to give each other sensual oil massages before jumping in the sack.

It may be tempting to keep quiet and let things continue as they are. But this can lead to feelings of resentment and tension (not the good kind!) towards your sexual partner.

We recommend having this conversation outside the bedroom, starting with how you feel.

You could say, “You did (insert sexual act) the other day, and it really turned me on.” This will help you talk about what you like while offering your sexual partner positive reinforcement.

It’s also a good idea to vocalize your feelings during the sexual act itself when your S.O. does something that hits the spot. These small actions can go a long way toward ensuring sexual satisfaction, both in and out of the sexual relationship.

A woman embracing a man in bed

Open Up the Floor to Healthy Sexual Communication

Discussing sex can feel awkward AF in the beginning.

But the payoff is a fulfilling sexual relationship built on trust and understanding. It also helps you have good sex — whether that means longer foreplay with dirty talk or adding a sex toy or lube into your sessions.

If you’re looking for a natural and organic lube to turn up the heat, check out Coconu’s personal lubricant range. It’s a great way to slip and slide into an incredible sexual experience, irrespective of your and your partner’s sexual preferences!