5 Seductive Tips to Talk About Sex in a New Relationship (+3 FAQs)

Mind-blowing sex: That’s the one thing we all want in the bedroom.

And often, with a new partner, it’s pretty darn good!

But to truly have incredible sex (where you’re deeply intimate), you need to peel back the layers and talk about it. And that can be a whole new ball game, especially in a new relationship.

Let’s explore how you can master sex talk to make your new sex life hit its peak.

5 Easy Tips on How to Talk About Sex in a New Relationship

We get it.

You’re in a new relationship. And thinking about your new boo gives you butterflies in your stomach.

But what about sharing your likes and dislikes in the bedroom? Feels daunting?
Don’t worry!

We’ll share five no-nonsense tips to discuss sex in a new relationship:

1. Start Straight Away

The earlier you talk about sex, the sooner you’ll have a mind-blowing sex life.
So bite the bullet right away!

But where do you start?

Here’s a little secret to ease into sex talk and gain your lover’s trust (you will thank us later!)...

Before crawling under the sheets, start with the easiest sexual conversation topics — think consent, safer sex, or contraception.

Then, the communication can move on to what sexual activity feels good and what doesn’t.

Gradually, you’ll be able to build trust and sexual intimacy with your lover. Once that’s in place, discussing a sexual desire, fantasy, or kink becomes a lot easier.

Remember: You don't have to talk about every single thing right away. Build on where you left off later!

Read More: Here’s a list of 40 flirty Sexual Conversation Starters to get you going!

Couple holding hands

2. Time it Correctly

Feeling the urge to talk about sex before or after the deed?

If it’s about sexual satisfaction (kinks and fantasies aside, of course), that could be a turn-off!

Think about it: You’re butt-naked under the sheets, either getting warmed up for a great time or flushed after a sweaty sesh.

In either case, you’re not in the right head space.

Both you and your lover feel vulnerable, and any sex talk at this time can seem like a personal attack instead of a meaningful discussion.

So what should you do instead?
Make time away from the bedroom when neither of you is rushed.

Wait for when both of you’re completely free. Cuddle up on the couch, pop a bottle, and start talking.

3. Take Ownership of Your Own Pleasure

Pop culture has sold us the idea that we have the power to give another person an orgasm.

We’re here to set the record straight because this narrative is deeply flawed!

In reality, we’re responsible for our own orgasms and sexual pleasure. It’s our job to figure out what works for us and what doesn’t.

And having that knowledge can be transformational.

Understanding your tastes and sexual boundaries in bed can help your lover drive you over the edge (and vice versa).

So before you sit down to discuss your bedroom shenanigans, ensure you have clarity on what you like and dislike.

Read More: Suffering from a sexless relationship? Here are 8 Non-Awkward Ways To Talk To Your Partner About Lack Of Physical Intimacy

4. Have a Positive Approach

This applies to sex and non-sex conversations alike.

Want your lover to be on the same page as you?
The most important thing is to keep things light and positive.

Here are some practical ways to remain positive while having a sex talk:

  • Shower your boo with compliments and affection before you discuss anything.
  • Sound less accusative by starting sentences with “I” instead of “You.” A sentence like “you should try oral sex” can be “I would like for us to try oral sex.”
  • Recount a mind-blowing sexual experience you’ve both had before suggesting a new sexual desire.

5. Listen Intently

Picture this: You’re pouring your heart out to your S.O. about the things that excite you, make your toes curl, and your eyes roll back. And then you realize they haven’t been paying attention.


How would that make you feel?

We bet you’d be hurt, offended, and insulted.

And we’re sure you don’t want your lover to experience the same feeling. This is why being a great listener is key to having a good sex talk.

Here’s how you can be an active listener:

  • Pay attention to their body language.
  • Focus on building an emotional connection, and don’t get into your headspace.
  • Don’t be shy. Make that sultry eye contact happen!
  • Smile, nod, show affection and let them know you’re listening.
  • No matter what they say, don’t judge them.
Read More: Thinking about the most erotic fantasies but too embarrassed to say anything? Here are 5 Secrets to Talking About Sex Without Being Awkward.

Couple sipping coffee in bed

3 Questions You Probably Have On Your Mind

Here are the answers to three commonly asked questions about sex talk in a new relationship:

1. Why is it Important to Talk Sex With Your New Partner?

To have good sex, you must communicate your wants, needs, and fantasies to your lover.

Let’s say you’ve been fantasizing about using a sex toy since forever. But your partner doesn’t know because you haven’t told them (they’re not psychic)!

This can leave you starving for sexual satisfaction and your lover confused about what’s missing.

Good news: Open sexual communication can fix this!

2. What Sexual Topics Should You Talk About?

It’s a good idea to start by addressing anything you’re thinking about immediately.

But in a scenario where you’re drawing a blank, refer to the list below for inspiration:

  • Fantasies: Every sexually active person has a fantasy they’ve thought about and want to act out. Plus, talking about them is usually fun and flirty. So this can be your starting point.
    • Lubrication: Lubricants can enhance sexual pleasure by decreasing friction during sex. They also lessen your risk of injury during sex. So, discuss the little details.

      What lube do you want to use — a water-based or an oil-based one? Can’t decide?

      Try the Coconu Combo Pack, containing a coconut oil lube and an organic coconut water lube. These edible blends can give you a sensual feeling and increase sexual intimacy.
  • Sexual Boundaries: Is there a sexual activity that’s a complete no-no?Maybe you’re not open to impact play because physical pain is a hard boundary. Share this vital information to establish a healthy relationship with a new partner.
  • Sex Drive: Do you and your lover desire the same sexual frequency? You both likely want different things. After all, things like your physical and mental health can affect your sex drive. So, talk it out to find a middle ground that works for both of you.
  • Sexual Health and STIs: This one’s key for safe sex! You should disclose your sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) statuses to your sexual partner. Get tested regularly. And, if you discover you have an STI, let your sexual partner know asap (and vice versa). Untreated STIs can lead to sexual dysfunction and infertility.

3. Should We Get Help?

Seeing a sex therapist or a certified sex coach can be a good idea for any couple.

This may sound strange, but couples soon discover that seeing a sex therapist makes it easy for them to talk about sex, even to a stranger!

Young couple embracing each other

Nurture Sexual Intimacy in Your New Relationship With Healthy Sex Talk

Accept that sexual compatibility isn’t guaranteed when exploring a new romantic relationship.

And remember, good lovers are made — not born.

So if you want your sexual relationship to reach its peak, talk with each other.

When you’re finally getting down and dirty, don’t forget to use natural lube to spice things up! Explore Coconu’s personal lubricant range for an intense sexual experience.

Sexual nirvana awaits!