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11 Must-Discuss Sexual Topics To Amp Up Your Intimacy

Discussing sexual topics with your lover can take your intimacy to the next level.

It can also open the door to stimulating, safer sex!

But what should you talk about?
Let’s find out!

11 Sexual Topics You MUST Discuss with Your Partner

Here’s the deal:

Sex talk is a surefire way to enhance your romantic life tenfold.
But it’s easily the most neglected aspect.

We get it — you’re either confused about what to discuss, embarrassed, or both!

To help you out, we have shortlisted 11 sexual topics you must discuss with your partner (and how to go about the conversation):

1. Fantasies and Fetishes
2. Physical Limitations
3. Desired Frequency and Libido
4. Exclusivity
5. Boundaries
6. Sexting and Online Sex
7. Preferred Aftercare
8. Disclosing Your STI Status
9. Birth Control
10. Pregnancy: The What-ifs
11. Sexual Assault and Trauma

1. Fantasies and Fetishes

Fantasies and fetishes are sex secrets we often keep locked away.

But they are key to exploring your sexuality.

Want to try a steamy oral sex position?
Or maybe you’re craving anal sex?

No matter the sexual desire, voice it to your partner and see what they think. You never know — perhaps your partner shares these desires too!

You can then get into the nitty-gritty, like what lube to use — an oil-based or a water-based one?

You could even experiment with natural massage oils that double up as lube, such as Coconu’s Hemp Infused Body Oil!

This deliciously silky blend combines the goodness of coconut oil with the known benefits of hemp to soothe your body before, during, and after play.

Read More: We bet your high school’s comprehensive sexuality education didn’t cover dirty talk! Good thing we have a list of 40 flirty Sexual Conversation Starters to help you out.

2. Physical Limitations

Sex is a physical activity. So your physical limitations can impact your sexual function and satisfaction as a couple.

For instance, certain sex positions require plenty of flexibility and stamina.

Factors like physical disabilities, sexual dysfunction, or a sexual problem like vaginal dryness can affect your sexual pleasure.

Being vocal about your comfort can ensure that neither you nor your partner is disappointed (or end up with a broken back!).

3. Desired Frequency and Libido

Let’s say you want to have sex twice a day, and your partner wants to do it twice a month.

Both these scenarios are A-okay!

What isn’t okay?
Waiting to discuss things until one of you is frustrated.

Talk it out, and find a middle ground that provides sexual satisfaction to both of you.

For instance, a sex schedule (as unsexy as it sounds) can work wonders!

Fun fact: Most sexual health experts recommend sexual intercourse at least once a week.

4. Exclusivity

This one’s a bitter pill to swallow.

Why?
Not everyone’s definition of a sexual relationship is the same.

Questions like “are we exclusive? What's my partner’s understanding of infidelity?” can leave you confused and insecure.

So whether you’re married or have just entered a new sexual relationship, ensure you discuss exclusivity.

Have a straightforward conversation about what counts as innocent flirting and what is cheating.

Are hugs okay? What about kissing other people? Would you want a polyamorous relationship?

Discuss everything and save yourself the confusion!

Read More: Wondering how to address low sexual activity? Here are 8 Non-Awkward Ways To Talk To Your Partner About Lack Of Intimacy.

5. Boundaries

You’re bound to discover things you want to try while talking about sex (think: 50 Shades of Grey!)

But your sexual partner may feel squeamish at the mere thought of a kink and vice versa.

If either of you considers some things ‘off-limits’, you must respect each other’s decision.

Don’t know what your boundaries are?
Remember, exploring your sexuality is all about trial and error.

So while figuring out your boundaries, agree on a 'safe word' you can say when you'd like to stop any sexual activity.

6. Sexting and Online Sex

Sexting is a sexual expression that doesn’t get the good rep it deserves.

Let’s say you’re away from your partner. How do you satisfy your toe-curling sexual desire?

Enter: sexting!

Sexting and other forms of online sex can be a spicy way to achieve sexual satisfaction. They’re also great for letting your partner know you’re thinking of them.

How do you get started?

Like all things sex-related, begin by getting consent.

Ask your partner how they feel about online sex. And if you plan on sharing photos and videos, discuss if you should keep or delete them after use.

Side note: It’s probably not a good idea to share nude images online as privacy may be compromised if the device is hacked or the relationship turns sour.

A man using his phone


7. Preferred Aftercare

Most of us have a vague idea about our ideal post-sex routine.

Do you prefer an intimate cuddle session? Some romantic pillow talk?
Or share a shower with your partner?

These post-sex moments can keep the sexual buzz going longer. Aftercare can also help you build a deeper emotional connection with your S.O.

An honest discussion on your preferred aftercare improves your emotional and sexual health, enhancing your sex life in the long run.

8. Disclosing Your STI Status

Disclosing your sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) statuses is important for a healthy sexual relationship.

Don’t know your STI status?
Get tested by your doctor ASAP! And encourage your sexual partner to do the same.

Young adults and older people alike should get tested regularly to stay on top of their sexual health.

And if you find out about a sexually transmitted infection, let your partner know immediately. Untreated STIs can lead to sexual dysfunction and infertility.

Moreover, consistent communication will ensure you don’t feel ashamed when discussing these delicate sexual issues.

Pro Tip: Practicing safe sexual intercourse (oral sex and anal sex) reduces the chance of passing STIs to partners. So use condoms, dental dams, latex gloves, etc., when getting down and dirty with your partner.

9. Birth Control

Is getting pregnant the last thing on your mind?

Then it’s time to consult a gynecologist and get on a solid birth control plan.

Walk through all the available options with your partner — emergency contraception, condoms, birth control pills, etc.

Choose the safest contraception that works for you.

Sharing the responsibility for contraception can prevent unwanted consequences and build healthy relationships.

10. Pregnancy: The What-ifs

Even with the best birth control in place, there's always a chance of pregnancy if you’re in a heterosexual relationship.

And don’t dismiss this issue if you aren’t a young person or a woman!

Unwanted pregnancies can impact everyone involved.

So don’t wait until your clothes are off to discuss the pregnancy what-ifs. Sit down and have an honest conversation about what to do if you do get pregnant.

11. Sexual Assault and Trauma

Discussing sexual abuse and trauma requires courage and open communication.

If you're a victim-survivor of sexual violence, remember there’s no timetable for when you should talk.

But, if you’re in a good mental health space and want to address sexual issues or seek sex therapy, it might be a sign that you’re ready to share.

On the other hand, if your partner’s a victim-survivor of sexual violence and decides to share a sexual problem, ensure you’re supportive.

Listen intently, offer to hold them, and let them know you’ve got their back.

Want more sexual topics to discuss with your lover?
Here are other key sexual health topics to talk about:
  • Sexual orientation
  • Sexual identity
  • Gender identity
  • Sex therapy
  • Altered sexual behavior
  • Improving sexual functioning, etc.

How to Talk About Sex With Your S.O.

Talking about sexual pleasure is no cakewalk. And scheduling a talk beforehand might add to the anxiety.

Instead, pull your lover aside when they aren’t in a rush.

Get touchy, maintain eye contact, and start with a “So I’ve been thinking about…”

Then, use these handy tips to ease into the conversation:
  • Discuss sexual topics in a relaxed, romantic setting. This could be when you’re watching the sunset, enjoying a good beer, cuddling on the couch… (you get it!)
  • Start on a positive note and practice active listening.
  • Compliment your partner during the conversation to boost their confidence and encourage them to open up.

Remember, sex affects you and your partner. So treat it as a puzzle you need to solve together!

Read More: Craving a healthy sex talk but feeling embarrassed? Discover 5 Secrets to Talking About Sex Without Being Awkward.

A woman pouting


Enrich Your Relationship With Healthy Sexual Conversations

Whether it’s about emergency contraception or enhancing your sexual function with lube, talk it out to improve your sex life.

Looking for a natural and organic lube to spice things up?
Explore Coconu’s personal lubricant range! So when things get hot and heavy, you can add extra moisture in the bedroom to send you into a sexual frenzy!