How To Initiate Sex: 9 Steamy Ways To Arouse Your Lover

Sex is the perfect cocktail of passion, gratifying desire, and physical intimacy.

Then why is initiating sex so darn hard?

Is there a simple way to let your lover know you want to get busy between the sheets?

Short answer: Yes!

Try our nine spicy tips on how to initiate sex and get your S.O. all hot and horny!

Further reading:

9 Alluring Tips On How To Initiate Sex With Your Lover

One thing we know for sure: Everybody wants to feel desired.

And a simple way to make your lover feel wanted is by initiating sex.

How do you do that?

Here are nine different ways to take charge of your sexual explorations:

1. Take The Reins

If mind-blowing sex is what you’re after, drop the coy act and take control!

And no, we don’t mean just walking up to your partner and telling them you’re horny (although that could work too!).

Picking the right time and projecting confidence will make this a whole lot sexier!

Umm, so what should you do?
You want to:

  • Wait for the right time when your S.O. isn’t caught up with something important.

  • Get into a position that screams assertiveness! Think: Straddling your lover or pinning their hands above their head.

  • Be specific and tell them what you want. Ask them to strip and offer some hot oral sex, or ask them to give you an orgasm instead!
Read More: Check out this list of 40 flirty Sexual Conversation Starters to get your partner in the mood for steamy sex!

2. Let Your Body Do The Talking

If you aren’t all that great with words, communicating your sexual desire can be a real pain — unless you learn to let your body language do the work!

Body language is a great non-verbal cue that helps a person gauge your feelings.

You can use physical touch and other cues to tell your partner you’re aroused — without actually telling them.

But how?
There are different ways to do this.

You can:

  • Give them the come-hither look
  • Run your fingers through their hair
  • Pull them close for a nuzzle
  • Place their hands on your intimate body parts
  • Do all of the above!

3. Play Masseuse

An intimate massage is often a sure-shot way to make your lover go weak in the knees!

Here’s why:

  • A body massage can help your partner relax and boost their sexual self-esteem by releasing higher levels of endorphins (natural mood-boosters).

  • This little adventure almost always involves getting naked and touchy — all things you want in a great foreplay session!

  • Many people have fantasies related to a massage with a happy ending. So, this could be right up your partner’s alley.

A person getting a massage

Keen to try this out?
All you need is the right lube or body oil.

Better yet, get a lube that doubles as a massage oil like Coconu’s Hemp Infused Body Oil!

This body oil is the perfect multi-tasker! The silky, lightweight formula combines the goodness of coconut oil with the relaxing benefits of hemp to soothe your lover before, during, and after play.

This Hemp oil-based lube is a miracle product that:

  • Nourishes skin
  • Soothes pain
  • Increases blood circulation
  • And most importantly, increases sexual sensations!

Take a dollop of this lube, massage your lover’s sweet spots, and send them over the edge!

4. Drop Some (Obvious) Hints

Here’s the thing:

Hints are tricky because you never know if your partner is picking them up.

To ensure success make these hints O-B-V-I-O-U-S.

We’re not talking about subtle physical touch. We’re talking about leaving a sex toy by their bedside or placing your lingerie on their pillow.

Want to take it a step further?
Perform an unintentional (read: very intentional) strip tease!

5. Indulge In A Passionate Make-Out Session

What’s the bridge between little pecks and raunchy sex?
A full-blown make-out session!

An intense kissing session is a great way to get your partner in the mood for sexual pleasure.

Here are a few tips to prep for some hot kissing:

  • Prepare your puckers and pop some mint.
  • Amp up the sexual tension with some eye contact.
  • Ease into it with sensual pecks (Focus on their erogenous zones!).
  • Get handsy!
  • Trust your instincts from there.

6. Dress The Part — Better Yet, Get Naked!

Think about a sexy number that your partner loves on you.

Or, buy some seductive lingerie!

Let your partner find your sultry armor with a note saying you’ll be wearing it later.

Or, put it on and open the door when they get home to grab their attention!

Dressing up not your thing?
Fret not.

Get your lover panting for more by stripping naked instead! That’s a clear non-verbal cue for sexy times.

Strip and put on a show, give them a lap dance, or hop into their side of the bed.

Read More: Craving a fulfilling sex life? Check out these 10 Eye-Opening Tips on How To Talk About Sex With Your Partner.

7. Buy A Sex Toy

Speaking of clothes, have you ever felt energized and confident after wearing something new?

Buying or trying something new can be a great source of motivation.

The same goes for sex.

Spice up your sex life by buying a new lube, a sex toy, an exciting bedroom game, or even an erotic book.

Gift it to your lover or leave it somewhere for them to find. Conversations, orgasmic oral sex, and more will follow, we promise!

8. Treat Them To Morning Sex

Sex hormones like testosterone (responsible for erections and sexual motivation in men) and estrogen (associated with female sexual arousal) peak in the morning.

So, sexual desire is naturally higher for most of us at this time of the day.

(P.S. This may not always hold well for people with menstrual cycles as it impacts their sex drive, cortisol levels, and mood).

Besides the hormones, we also tend to have more energy in the morning — very different from the exhaustion you may feel at the end of the day!

That’s why making a move as soon as you both wake up can build up the excitement and sexual tension you desire.

Step in when they’re in the middle of their morning ritual, or strip down and invite them to join you. Lather up and make way for a steamy sex session!

Read More: In a sexless marriage or relationship? Here are 8 Non-Awkward Ways To Talk To Your Partner About Lack Of Sexual Intimacy.

9. Try Scheduling Sexy Times

We get it:

Scheduling sex doesn’t seem very appealing.

Spontaneity is way sexier.

But this is a great way for a couple to prioritize physical intimacy!

Picture this: You and your partner have booked a specific time for sex.

So, you’re both looking forward to erotic, quality time as a couple. And because everything’s already decided, you won’t feel anxious about having to initiate sex!

Plus, scheduling sex doesn’t have to be mundane.

You can spice things up by sending each other a sexy text, some naughty polaroids, and notes, all in anticipation of when you meet in person!

Note: Seek your partner’s consent before trying these tips! Also, note that sharing nude images online or on any digital platform is not a good idea as your privacy may be compromised.

A couple kissing in bed

Why Does Initiating Sex Make Us Nervous?

Here’s a look at three hurdles that may stop you from initiating sex:

1. You’re Afraid of Being Turned Down

Whether it’s a long-term marriage or a new sexual relationship, initiating sex can make you feel vulnerable and exposed.

This is because you may fear rejection from your partner.

This is especially true for women who are often conditioned to wait for their partner to make a move.

So, when a lover turns us down for sex, we tend to take it personally.

But here’s the thing: Your husband/wife/partner is only human.

Sometimes they may be exhausted, sick, or simply not in the mood. After all, they aren’t programmed to want sex all the time.

So, it’s completely okay for them to turn you down sometimes.

And remember, their rejection only applies to the sex (and at that time). They’re NOT saying no to you, your company, or your love!

Quick note: If you feel your partner is saying ‘No’ to sex more often than ‘Yes,’ it’s time for an open discussion.

Also, if you are the one ‘rejecting’ your partner’s advances, try saying something like: “I am not really in the mood right now, but why don’t you ask me in the evening/ tomorrow?”

2. You’re Embarrassed

Another roadblock could be that you’ve never initiated sex before and are afraid to look silly.

We get it. Initiating sex can sometimes feel weird. Especially if you have been conditioned to only respond to your partner’s sexual desires and not openly express yours.

But remember, expressing your desire for the one you love isn’t a big deal. You’ll improve with practice (try the tips we mentioned above!).

3. You’re Stuck in a Sexual Rut

If you’re in a long-term relationship, you’ll probably relate to this one.

There’s a lot of excitement and mystery when a relationship is new. But a boring routine and low sex drive can set in as time passes.

So, should you be okay with it?
Absolutely not!

Remember, desire doesn’t die with time. It only changes shape!

Your partner still wants you, and they’re probably nervous about changing things up too.
So, take the lead and make that first move!

Trust us: The more you initiate sex, the less anxious you’ll feel!

If you need some extra help navigating your anxiety around sexual initiation and low sex drive, opt for sex therapy. Talking to a trusted sex therapist can build your confidence and guide you to the next steps.

Turn On The Heat And Get Busy Between The Sheets!

Sexual intimacy is a freeing act between people. And sometimes, a lack of sexual initiation is the only thing standing between you and an alluring sex session!

Remember, conveying your excitement to your partner sets the tone for better sex.

So don’t shy away — give your partner some love in the shower, wear some sexy lingerie, or gift them a Coconu Water Based Singles for your next scheduled sex date.