How To Reduce Pain During Sex: 10 Tips To Reclaim Pleasure

Painful sex is common — more than most of us would like to admit. 

So what can you do when pain curbs your natural sexual desire?

Or when it causes your intimate moments to fizzle out quickly?

Don’t worry.

Follow our ten easy tips to reduce pain during sex and knock your partner’s socks off every night. We’ll also explore why sex hurts in the first place

Further Reading:

    • From sexual health to striptease, explore these 11 Sexual Topics with your partner. 
    • Engage in intimate Pillow Talk with your S.O and unwind after a long, tiring day. 

How To Reduce Pain During Sex: Try These 10 Proven Tips   

Dyspareunia is the medical term for genital pain experienced during or after sexual intercourse. 

But look: You don’t have to silently endure the pain. 

Try these tips to turn the pain around and engage in deeply satisfying sex:  

1. Meet Your Gynecologist

We get it — visiting a doctor is probably the last thing you'd want to do. 

But do you experience:

  • Burning pain in the vaginal muscles?
  • Pain at the vaginal opening?
  • Pain during penetration?

If you answered ‘yes’ to one or all of these questions, consult your gynecologist ASAP.

They’ll enquire about your sexual response problems, including:

  • When did the sexual pain begin?
  • How intense is the pain?
  • Which sexual positions hurt the most? 

As awkward as these discussions may be, you must answer truthfully


It can help determine the root cause of your pain. (And potentially save any woman from a sex-starved relationship!) 

Your doctor may also conduct a pelvic exam, check for signs of vaginal infection, or suggest pain relief medication.


Meeting your OB/GYN can help rule out any medical condition (think: ovarian cyst, endometriosis, urinary tract infection, and more) behind the pain. 


2. Indulge In Extra Long Foreplay

A word to the wise: Make foreplay the main event and not just the opening act. 

Foreplay is plenty hot when done right. We’re talking about long smooches, using ice cubes, intimate massages, dirty talk, and the works.

Even better?

Foreplay helps moisten the vaginal tissue before sexual intercourse. This reduces the pain during penetration. 

It also removes any irrational fear and anxiety related to penetrative sex, helping you relax and ease into intercourse.  

Bottom line: Don’t rush into sex. 

Warm up with a hot makeout session, telling your partner what feels good and not-so-good (more on this later). 

3. Lube It Up

Fact: Postmenopausal women often experience inadequate vaginal lubrication due to low estrogen levels.

Myth: Vaginal dryness spells the end of a great sex life.

How can you combat vaginal dryness and enhance your sexual desire?

Bring out the lube

It reduces friction, making sex wetter, slicker, and long-lasting.

Even better: 

A personal lubricant can ease vaginal pain and enhance sexual arousal — especially if you struggle with natural lubrication despite a long foreplay sesh.

Looking for a great lube?

Try our hot favorites:

  • Coconu’s Hemp Infused Body Oil is a lightweight lube that doubles as a stimulating massage oil, relaxing your muscles and creating the perfect mood.

    Its unique formula blends the goodness of coconut oil with the soothing benefits of hemp. Use it before, during, and after play for a heavenly experience.
    • Coconu’s Oil Based Personal Lubricant is silky smooth, non-sticky, and crafted using the finest natural ingredients. 

      Its organic ingredients protect sensitive areas like vaginal tissues and stimulate lubrication.

      Unlike other oil-based lubes, Coconu’s lube absorbs nicely into your body. No more stained sheets or messy lube plays!  
Read More: Try these 8 Kinky Tips To Introduce Lube In The Bedroom and take your sex life to the next level. 

4. Amp Up The Feel-Good Factor With A Vibrator

Toying with the idea of using a sex toy?

Do it already!

Vibrators can make sex more satisfying (emphasis on the word more) — especially if you’re a postmenopausal woman experiencing vaginal dryness.

Here’s a hot tip: Experiment with the width of your vibrator to see what size works for your sexual arousal.  

A sex toy helps you understand what sensations you’re comfortable with down there. 

So next time, you can guide your partner to the right nooks and crannies. 


Experiencing vaginal pain while using a sex toy? Stop immediately!

You may have a vaginal infection or other medical conditions, so consult your doctor.   

5. It’s Okay To Take A Break


Frequently getting it on won’t fix painful intercourse — it may worsen things instead. 

So take a break from sex. 

It’ll help reinvigorate your sex life and make it less mundane.  

Most therapists suggest a break of 1-2 weeks, but the duration will depend on you and your partner. 

Wait… does a break from bonking imply no intimacy?


Although you’re abstaining from sex, make your lover feel desired through fun, flirty comments, unexpected kisses, long hugs, and more. 

6. Go For Couples Therapy

If you've been feeling negative or even turned off by the idea of sex lately, you're not alone. 

It's a natural response when dealing with painful intercourse. 

So what can you do? 

Reach out to a counselor or sex therapist to resolve these issues and reignite the spark.

They can assist you with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which helps identify negative thoughts and behavior patterns around sexual distress.

Troubled by recurring pelvic pain during or after a romp?

Seek a therapist specializing in pelvic floor work. 

Physical therapy, focusing on the pelvic floor muscles, can reduce vaginal or pelvic pain. It can also enhance your pelvic muscle function. 

7. Spice Things Up In Bed

Predictability can be good, but not always for your sex life

So what do you do?

Shake things up in bed. (Or over the kitchen counter, in the hallway, under the shower — catch our drift?)  

If you experience sharp pain during penetration, try different sex positions. For instance, being on top helps you set a comfortable pace and decide how deep you want penetration.

And you don’t have to stop there. 

Drop hints to your partner about things you enjoy.  

While flowers and chocolates are sweet, what about something more raunchy? 

Like sexy lingerie or a dildo! 

 Read More: Going through a dry spell? Explore 9 Creative Ways To Initiate Sex with your partner. 

8. Talk Between The Sheets

Why suffer in silence when you can moan your loudest?

Share with your S.O. how and where you like to be touched. They’ll understand what you find pleasurable and avoid causing sexual pain. 

And if you think going slow can help you reach the big O and reduce pain, be vocal.  

9. Create A Relaxing Space

Want to set the stage for a comfortable roll in the hay?

Light some scented candles.

Switch on some mood lighting. 

Grab some extra pillows. 

Do everything that’ll help you minimize discomfort, get into a sensual mood, and be ready for pleasurable sexual activity. 

Facing the wrath of menopause (think: hot flashes, vaginal dryness, night sweats, etc.)?

Ask your partner to explore other kinds of stimulation that don’t involve penetrative sex — passionate kisses, nipple plays, sex toys, and the like.   

10. Say Yes To Self-Care 

Warm snuggles and hot showers after a mind-blowing romp? Yes, please!

But what if it's replaced by vaginal soreness? Ugh. 

Fret not! Here’s what you can do:

  • Take a warm bath or apply an ice pack to the area for pain relief.
  • Avoid using products with fragrances, dyes, and chemicals on your genitals. 
  • Wear cotton underwear that’s breathable and absorbent. It’ll help prevent a urinary tract infection, which can hurt during sexual intercourse. 
 Read More: Discover these 5 Lesser Known Secrets To Talking About Sex Unabashedly

You now know how to reduce pain during sex. 

But what causes painful sex?

11 Reasons When Sex Gives More Pain Than Pleasure 

(Sexual) trouble in paradise?

Here are some common causes of dyspareunia:

1. Interstitial Cystitis

This is a chronic condition causing bladder pressure, bladder pain, and sometimes pelvic pain. The pain can range from mild discomfort to severe aching. 

Did you know the fear of penetrative sex can aggravate symptoms of interstitial cystitis?

It causes tension in the pelvic muscle area, leading to dyspareunia. 

2. Endometriosis

This occurs when some of the tissue lining the uterus develops outside the uterus. 

Sexual intercourse may be most painful if the endometriosis is behind your vagina in the lower uterus.

3. Vaginal Atrophy (Atrophic Vaginitis)

This is the thinning, drying, and inflammation of the vaginal wall. 

Vaginal atrophy occurs due to low estrogen levels, especially after menopause. 

4. Low Libido

We often experience a lack of interest in sexual activity. 

What causes low libido?

One of the most common reasons is stress

Too much stress can negatively impact your sexual health, creating sexual response problems. 

5. Skin Disorders

Skin diseases such as eczema and psoriasis can lead to painful sex. 

Besides affecting your genitals, it limits your engagement in sexual intercourse.

6. Vulvodynia

Ever experienced: 

  • Burning sensations around your vag?
  • Itchiness down there?
  • Vaginal soreness?
  • Excessive vaginal discharge?

Chances are, you may have vulvodynia — a chronic pain experienced in the vulva.

7. Vaginismus

Vaginismus is a medical condition where the vaginal muscles clench to prevent penetration.

What causes these muscle spasms at the vaginal opening?

It may be due to factors like penetration, previous injury, or past sexual abuse. 

8. Childbirth

Vaginal scar tissue often develops during childbirth, resulting in painful intercourse. 

New mothers may also experience inadequate lubrication and weakened pelvic floor muscles.

9. Pelvic Inflammatory Disease

This is an inflammation of your genital organs. A sexually transmitted infection usually causes pelvic inflammatory disease. 

10. Vulvovaginitis

Are you experiencing chronic pain, unpleasant odor, or severe itching around your vag?

Consult your doctor right away! You may have vulvovaginitis — an inflammation of the vulva and vagina. 

11. Vaginal Infection

Common vaginal infections like chlamydia and urinary tract infections can cause vaginal irritation, creating pain during sex. 

Say Goodbye to Painful Intercourse  

The truth is: 

Your self-esteem can take a hit after a couple of painful sexual experiences. 

But that’s not your cue to give up.

Consult your gynecologist if you’re struggling with sexual arousal and pain. They can identify the root cause and help you regain the zing in your sex life.

Ready to reinvent your sexual dynamic?

While you’re at it, try Coconu’s Oil Based Lube for pain-free, pleasurable sex.